i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Fuck appropriateness.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
