She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
