Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
