girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
