if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
