omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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