Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
