Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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