I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
