My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
