I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
