apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
