i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
...so i touched it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
