I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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