if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
