If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wear drunk well.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
