i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
