He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
