Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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