we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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