did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
