I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
