Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
