Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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