Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
