I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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