At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
