i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
