lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
