so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
