let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
