I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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