I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I know her cup size but not her name....
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