Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
