Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
