you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
