I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
