cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
