Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
