lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
