You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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