From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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