Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
