Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
