He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
