No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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