Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
