Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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