I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
