How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
